Before You Reach the End

 “Listen to the people who love you. Believe that they are worth living for even when you don’t believe it. Seek out the memories depression takes away and project them into the future. Be brave; be strong; take your pills. Exercise because it’s good for you even if every step weighs a thousand pounds. Eat when food itself disgusts you. Reason with yourself when you have lost your reason.”

~Andrew Solomon, The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression

 

by Beth Saadati, with guest songwriter Heidi Haase 

The deep sadness—sometimes hours, sometimes days, sometimes weeks of depression—began when a beloved daughter died by suicide. It’s lingered seven years. Although the intensity of the sadness has decreased, intermittent waves of grief still crash, still threaten to pull me under, still leave me grasping for a lifeline to hold onto while I wait for each wave to break and recede.   

During one severe surge a couple years ago, my lifeline was a song—a song written and recorded by Heidi Haase, a beautiful family friend whose personality, character, and appearance reminded me more of my oldest daughter than any other high-school student I’d taught. I played the song again and again. I let the words sink in.

And I wished Jenna also could have heard and taken them to heart.

So today, on World Suicide Prevention Day 2020, Heidi and I extend that lifeline to you—for any day of the year you may need it, for every wave that tries to drown you, for all the pain friends and family cannot see.

Reason with yourself.

Listen. Believe. Be brave.

You’re not alone.

You’re stronger than you know.

 

With love, 

Beth

 

note: Please view the YouTube song video in the web version if it's missing here in the mobile version.

 “Stronger Than You Know”

copyright Heidi Haase

 

 It’s a long day when you get home

And you find yourself

Wondering does it really matter

If you stay or go

 

The ground around you is sinking

Everything in life is changing

It all seems so far away

 

You gotta get up

Gotta find your way back

I promise that you’re loved

And you can take it

 

Don’t you give up

I know that you can make it

You’re stronger than you know

 

Don’t you give up

I promise you can make it

You’re stronger than you know

 

It’s a long year when you look back

And you see how far you’ve been

Though it’s been hard

You’re just glad

That you didn’t let it end

 

Because life is now worth living

Every day you see more clearly

Even if some days you still tell yourself

 

You gotta get up

Gotta find your way back

I promise that you’re loved

And you can take it

 

Don’t you give up

I know that you can make it

You’re stronger than you know

 

Don’t you give up

I promise you can make it

You’re stronger than you know

 

I’m talking to myself

Everything that I was

Everything that I thought

Just a year ago

 

A letter to myself

Of everything that I know

All the places I go

It’s worth all the pain

 

You gotta get up

Gotta find your way back

I promise that you’re loved

And you can take it

 

Don’t you give up

I know that you can make it

You’re stronger than you know

 

If you could see me now

You’d know that you can make it

I’m stronger than you know

 

If you could see me now

Look you made it

You’re stronger than you know

 

Every day is a page

You just keep on turning

The story of your life

 

Don’t you quit reading

Don’t you quit writing

I’ll give you some advice

 

Don’t let your story finish

Before you reach the end

 

You gotta get up

Gotta find your way back

I promise that you’re loved

And you can take it

 

Don’t you give up

I know that you can make it

You’re stronger than you know

 

Don’t you give up

Promise me you’ll make it

You’re stronger than you know

 

Heidi Haase is a college sophomore studying to get a degree in Bible and Humanities. She loves music, poetry, and hiking. Writing music has been one of her biggest passions since she was young. Heidi is thankful that her music has been able to encourage others.